Bone-ology

St. Catherine as her own personal Katrina Survival Icon with herself pictured as the center avatar.

Surveys as a concept are a bit junior-highish I know, but I do every one that Catherine sends me (she finds them therapeutic), and I promise, she is not junior-highish.

MOUTHOLOGY

Q. What is your salad dressing of choice?
A. Extra Virgin and Balsamic

Q. What is your favorite fast food restaurant?
A. It’s a tie between Taco Bell (goes well with pornography) and Chick-Filet (makes me feel holy and repentant).

Q. What is your favorite sit-down restaurant?
A. Some crazy Thai place I go to with Ava. Drunken Noodles with Faux Duck is a dream come true.

Q. On average, what size tip do you leave at a restaurant?
A. at least 20% or more

Q. What food could you eat every day for two weeks and not get sick off of?
A. Sweet Plantains, File Gumbo, Avocado Salad and Roasted Chicken

Q. What are your pizza toppings of choice?
A. extra cheese and pepperoni

Q. What do you like to put on your toast?
A. butter and marmalade

Q. What is your favorite type of gum?
A. Fruit Punch

TECHNOLOGY

Q. Number of contacts in your cell phone?
A. Don’t know, my shit is broken.

Q. Number of contacts in your email address book?
A. more than a hundred

Q. What is your wallpaper on your computer?
A. It is a honey bee that has landed on top of someone’s pupil. It is really beautiful though.

Q. How many televisions are in your house?
A. 4


BIOLOGY

Q. Are you right-handed or left-handed?
A. right

Q. What's your best feature?
A. I have strong legs.

Q. Have you ever had anything removed from your body?
A. A tooth that shattered into 3 pieces in the middle of the extraction, which later called for a lengthier and much more expensive incision into my gums to take out what remained. I always have a health crisis when I visit my mom, last time I found out I needed glasses; and, that since one of my legs is longer than the other, my left foot has started to turn inward.

Q. Which of your five senses do you think is keenest?
A. Rhythm

Q. When was the last time you had a cavity?
A. I got one right now that I am hoping it will not turn into a repeat of the question two spots above because insurance will kick in during September.

Q. What is the heaviest item you lifted last?
A. a giant box of women’s shoes (baby there is a story there)

Q. Have you ever been knocked unconscious?
A. No.


BULL[CRAP]OLOGY

Q. If it were possible, would you want to know the day you were going to die?
A. Hell no!

Q. Is love for real?
A. Fortunately and Unfortunately, yes. Last night I was thinking that love can be both diabolical (not in the Fatal Attraction sense, but in the sense that you can fall in love with a mofo that is not necessarily the best person for you) and divine.

Q. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?
A. Something like Alban or Ignacio. You know?-- some exotic catholic saint name that starts with a vowel, or maybe a former Pope’s name like Urban, Pius or Innocent.

Q. What color do you think looks best on you?
A. Green and White.

Q. Have you ever swallowed a non-food item by mistake?
A. I used to swallow pennies.

Q. Have you ever saved someone's life?
A. A girl that was drowning in 10th grade gym class.

Q. Has someone ever saved yours?
A. My mother was on the phone with my grandmother when I was a toddler. I ended up crawling to the window and pushing the screen out, upon which time I was dangling from the 4th or 5th story window. A young boy passing by started to shout and my mother came and got me.


DAREOLOGY

Q. Would you walk naked for a half mile down a public street for $100,000?
A: That would be so easy.

Q. Would you kiss a member of the same sex for $100?
A. Is this offer retroactive?

Q. Would you allow one of your little fingers to be cut off for $200,000
A. I would seriously consider it.

Q. Would you never blog again for $50,000?
A. No!

Q. Would you pose naked in a magazine for $250,000?
A. Yes

Q. Would you drink an entire bottle of hot sauce for $1000?
A. Is this suppose to be hard?

Q. Would you, without fear of punishment, take a human life for $1,000,000?
A. No, terrible, terrible question. Bad energy.

Q. Would you give up watching television for a year for $25,000?
A. I only watch the Sopranos and Flavor of Love Charm School as is.

DUMBOLOGY

Q: What is in your left pocket?
A: Nothing

Q: Is Napoleon Dynamite actually a good movie?
A: Haven’t seen it.

Q: Do you have hardwood or carpet in your house?
A: A little bit of both.

Q: Do you sit or stand in the shower?
A: Stand, this is America son.

Q: Could you live with roommates?
A: Yeah. I have done it all the time, but then again, with some people it is easy, with others it is impossible.

Q: How many pairs of flip flops do you own?
A: Gotta buy some.

Q: Where were you born?
A. Kansas City, KA

Q: Last time you had a run-in with the cops?
A: Can’t remember.

Q: What do you want to be when you grow up?
A: A writer and to help immigrants coming to this country.

Q: Who is number 1 on your top 8
A: Curtis

LASTOLOGY

Q: Friend you talked to?
A. Ms. E

Q: Last person you called?
A: Some fools that are raping my bank account.

Q: Person you hugged?
A: Dennis


FAVORITOLOGY

Q: Number?
A: 8

Q: Color?
A: Green

Q: Season?
A: Oscillates between Summer and Fall


CURRENTOLOGY

Q: Missing someone?
A: Hell yeah! It is diabolical.

Q: Mood?
A: Ready to kick somebody’s ass over my bank statement.

Q: Listening to?
A: Nothing, believe it or not.

Q: Watching?
A. This computer screen.

Q: Thinking about?
A: How to get to the bank to get this legal action going against another party.


RANDOMOLOGY

Q: First place you went this morning?
A: Down stairs to my computer.

Q: What can you not wait to do?
A: Move to the Bronx.

Q: What's the last movie you saw and with who?
A: Been ages. I think it was Dreamgirls in March.

Q: Do you smile often?
A: Yes.

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: Most of the time.

Q: Now that the surveys done what are you going to do?
A: Shower, shave and prepare to go to work. My boss said it is OK for me to come in late since I have to prepare to kick somebody’s ass over unauthorized withdrawals from my account. Fucking Internet age!